Unfortunate Bathroom Experience

So, I am at a community college in the southwest suburbs of Chicago for a day-long conference.  Anybody who has attended professional conferences or seminars knows that they love to pump you full of coffee and baked goods all morning and make sure the bathroom is at least 75 miles away from the meeting room.

This particular setup is no different.  After having several cups of coffee I must find a restroom-and fast!  I locate it and find to my delight that they actually offer the nice little paper toilet seat covers (for my convenience and safety, of course).  I carefully remove one, actually I tear it to shreds trying to sever the little bits on the side where it is all still attached.  Then i painstakingly place it on the seat only to stand up and hear the automatic flush activate and suck the g0d-damned paper doily down the drain.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Finally, I get to unzip and unload.  Sit down hastily and discover that this fancy toilet has a water level much higher than is necessary, or advised, and dunk my bits in the ice cold water.  There you have it folks, I dunked my testes in toilet water.  Are you happy?  I certainly hope so.